Legacy Portraits: A Journey in Rediscovery of Self in Motherhood
Legacy Portraits a Way of Rediscovery
If you could go back in time and tell your 20 year old self anything, what would you tell her?
For my client Silver it's to take more photos even when you’re not happy with the way you look.
I met Silver in December 2023 on a journey to rediscover herself after motherhood. Like most women this is a momentous transition that reshapes your entire identity leaving you to ask — ‘who am I?’
Bodies change, priorities change but the demands of what were supposed to do and be as women continues to grow. Mounting on, one on top the other relentlessly until one day it’s too much and you say ‘I’m going to find me again, however imperfect that journey may be’
For Silver this was the realization that she wanted to document this moment in her life. She wanted to capture the varying parts of her personality in this season of life where “Silver, Silver” is rarely seen or known.
I’m excited to share with you Silver and her story.
Here goes my short novel...
You know how you're never happy with how you look? When I look back at a photo of myself 20 years ago, I was such a baby! so young and pretty. I wish I had taken more photos. This was the aha moment when I decided to do this project I've had in mind for years.
Project: photoshoot
A friend of mine had a photoshoot a few years back that made me go “I want to do that” while going through morning sickness with my second child (and I'd like to have a word with whoever named that symptom morning sickness). I wrestled with the idea… I wanted to lose weight before scheduling a project like that. My phone camera was taken over by my kids, sometimes with my husband, rarely of myself apart from selfies.
Motherhood has been the biggest transition in my life.
Mama Silver took over with the arrival of the newborn. For whatever reason, pregnancy and giving birth are seen as the best thing ever and it feels like nobody ever talks about their struggles. I’ve typically been the strong woman who can do it all and help others.
Postpartum was a humbling time when I had to learn to take recovery seriously the hard way. I was able to do things, so why shouldn't I do them? Within 48 hours of being discharged, I got sick and my body literally showed me red signals to stop doing so much.
“Always say yes to help” was so hard to do, and I didn’t even know what help would actually help me the most. Postpartum blues and hormonal roller coasters impacted me in ways I never imagined was possible.
Then Professional Silver snuck in when it was time to get back to work… Time to time, Daughter Silver is summoned… I don’t know where Wife Silver went… Sometimes I forget that I am a human with my own needs, too.
Silver Silver? Who’s that?
My priorities are shifting like nobody's business and I'm not sure how it's going to land. Parenting is also the hardest job I've ever had, and I don't think I had particularly easy jobs in my career.
My career has been a huge piece of my identity - I'm a recovering workaholic who's fortunate to have a job I'm passionate about, trying to juggle it all…
Despite what others might think, I’ve always been an insecure overachiever and adding motherhood on top didn’t help.
Anxious I might have dropped something, navigating through all the “should” and mom guilt. Who am I? What kind of mother do I want to be? What kind of mother do I not want to be? Nobody prepares you for parenthood - you need to figure things out as you go and that’s the best you can do.
I'm starting to understand my parents - I'm sure this is just the beginning. This feels like a new chapter in my adulthood. There's been so much growing and learning…
I used to dislike mothers "who weren't pulling their weight" at work. "That's why we all get a bad rep" was in my young and ignorant head. I had my fair share of 100+ hours per week in my 20's and was driven to climb and succeed. Now, I only have respect for all mothers. I also am not sure how I can explain this to young Silver. Maybe you just need to be in it yourself to understand? Sincere apologies to all working moms...
Style as a way back to myself....
Someone recently called me a “fashionista” and I cringed in embarrassment. Finding my style has been my way of rediscovering myself after two kids and shifts in my career. My relationship with clothing improved immensely since I started working with Audrey.
Mornings are a lot more fun now that I know what I need from clothes (effortless comfort. No restrictions on my body. Minimal maintenance) and what I feel good in (fall colors, romantic, creative vibe).
I play around with my Target t-shirt and thrifted treasures to communicate a message in ways that resonate with me. This is still all very new to me and I'm learning to embrace this new side of me.
Planning a photoshoot
My trusted stylist Audrey was the first one to hear about this project while we were planning our 2024 last year. “LeeAnn would be the best fit” she said. When I looked through
LeeAnn's website: “Pittsburgh Brand Photographer: Brand photography and strategy for women ready to bring their business to life” - I was intimidated… I don't own a business. I probably can't afford these packages. Then I saw she did headshots, so I gathered some courage and reached out.
Working with LeeAnn
There's something very freeing when meeting someone for the first time. You
get a chance to start from scratch. LeeAnn wanted to understand where I was coming from and her questions helped me articulate my wish for the project.
This is a gift to 60 year old Silver to look back to and giggle. I wanted to celebrate me where I am. LeeAnn was a wonderful guide through my continued self discovery.
I decided that I'm worth this investment and took the leap. I tried a gazillion different outfits and combinations to capture various angles to sum up to Silver in current form. LeeAnn felt like an extremely talented friend, gifted with her unique ways of connecting and seeing the beauty in everyone and capturing the moment.
Photoshoot Day
There was a mix of excitement and nervousness as Dominika started working on my makeup and hair.
The last time I had a professional artist do my makeup was probably my wedding day… It was funny how it was the first time meeting LeeAnn in person, despite having shared so much in preparation for this project.
Through all the outfit changes, awkward smiles, laughters, silly songs and dances… I felt so special the whole day working with LeeAnn and Dominika and appreciated their professional touch.
Strongly recommended for a pampering self care experience.
My photos and all the emotional layers to seeing yourself...
There were many many layers of emotions when I received my gallery. The first thing I noticed was my double chin and how fat I looked. It didn't take too long for me to realize that I'm my worst critic - everyone cheered and celebrated what I was able to capture with LeeAnn.
I'm grateful to be surrounded by so many who are cheering for me. Yes, my mom is getting a copy of the printed album - I can't wait to see her reaction…
All my friends and family commented on how amazing these photos are and how beautiful I am… and I keep shrugging and brushing off those comments feeling embarrassed. I'm still working on being kinder to myself.
In true “Silver” fashion, I ran a survey with family and friends to gather data to pick crowd fav and calculated points for each photo to qualify for my final gallery.
I see you: If it's hard, you’re probably doing it right
When I was about to get back to work after my maternity leave, someone told me… You can't do everything well all the time and it's OK. Set priorities. Continue to rebalance. "But how do you know what to prioritize?" I asked... "By dropping some of the balls" and it'll be OK. Be kind to yourself in this process. You MUST take care of yourself. Repeat after me. “I must take care of myself”
Ironically, parenting is extremely lonely at times. I’m still on my quest to find what recharges me - it used to be travel, fine dining, wine, and cocktails… Now I eat my kid’s leftovers. Who am I?!
Parenting is hard. Because we deeply care for these little people who are growing by the minute - they are individuals with different personalities, even when they literally came from the same place.
There are hopes, despair, joy, surprises, tears, laughter, tantrums of unknown origins, feeling lost, yelling, regrets, hugs, acceptance, and so many many more layers of feelings all at once overwhelming me so often.
A wonderful mentor continues to remind me that I'm only a human and it's OK not to be an emotionless robot - sometimes I wish I cared less, that would make things so much easier... Many good things in life are hard and worth it all.
Silver, I see you. I’m trying my best to not wait till I’m 60 to see beauty in these photos. In the midst of so many things, I'm taking another step forward to embrace myself and celebrate little things along the way… and I decidedly did this for me.
Interested in learning more about booking your own legacy portrait session?
Fill out my contact form and I'll be in touch within 48 hours.
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